I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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