i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Randomize
