Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
