Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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