so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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