that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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