i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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