I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
