Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
