I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
