The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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