I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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