hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
