Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
