I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am available for nakedness
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
