She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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