A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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