Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
