if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
