woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
