Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
