Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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