the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
