You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
