It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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