so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
