We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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