They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
