toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
