Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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