Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
