I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
