You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
