The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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