wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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