i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
