I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
