So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
