I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
