i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
