Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
