3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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