You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
