At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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