Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
