I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
