the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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