I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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