Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
