i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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