WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
why do cheetos always look like penises
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
