You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He has the fingertips of a God
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
