Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
